Blue Star Chronicles

Soldiers and Marines:

Make sure you follow the following check list prior to engaging the enemy opposition victims poor unfortunate insurgents in the wrong place at the wrong time, in battle.

1. Is the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time in an area known to be combative?
2. Is the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time carrying a weapon?
3. Is the weapon visible to the naked eye?
4. Is the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time holding the weapon in the air, shooting it and shouting, ‘praise allah’?
5. Is the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time shooting in the general direction of your platoon?
6. Has the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time shot directly at your platoon?
7. Can you be sure it is that particular poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time who is shooting at your platoon?
8. Have you checked every other possiblity to be sure beyond a reasonable doubt that there are not other poor-unfortunate -insurgents- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time in the area who may be the ones actually shooting?
9. Have you heard a bullit fly past your head?
10. Are you sure it was a bullit?
11. Have you been shot?
12. Has anyone else in your platoon been shot?
13. Did it hurt?
14. Are you sure it was that poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time who shot your or your platoon mate?
15. Have you attempted to let the-poor-unfortunate -insurgent- in-the-wrong -place -at- the-wrong-time know that you’d rather have a group hug than shoot at each other?
16. Did he respond to this request in the negative and continue shooting?
17. Have you made sure there are no CNN reporters and/or cameramen in the vacinity?
18. Have you repeatedly checked #17?
19. Has John Murtha had his meds?

If the answer to all of the above is ‘YES’ than you may pull the trigger. ONCE.

If pulling off one shot does not solve the problem then you may proceed to shoot as needed.

Be aware that should you not follow the above steps you are subject to being slandered mercilessly in the media, put into shackles and held in prison for an indefinite period of time, court martialed, put on trial for murder and hanged.

All of this could happen to you even if you do follow the above steps, but you have a better chance if you conduct yourself according to these rules.

It helps to understand the issues the unfortunate insurgents are dealing with.

If they throw feces on you, shoot you or curse your mama, remember they live in an oppressive society and probably have never been able to freely express their feelings in a healthy manner. You are just the focus of the pent-up anger they have been repressing all these years.

This is not your Daddy’s or your Granddaddy’s Armed Forces. Forget what they might have said about Iwo Jima or what you saw on Full Metal Jacket.

With proper restraint and understanding, a couple of group hugs and a few bars of Kumbaya, we can win the hearts and the minds of the unfortunate insurgents and everyone will love America and they won’t hate Jews anymore.

You can do it boys. The country is counting on you. With your blood, we can make the world approve of us. Even the Fwench. They won’t respect us but they WILL NOT be afraid of us anymore.

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So What’s Everybody Talking About?

August 15 - 17, 2006

Just link and trackback to this post. Nothing to it but to do it.

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Others with open trackbacks: Conservative Cat, Is It Just Me?, Third World County, Adam’s Blog, Planck’s Constant, Big Dog’s, Mudville, Pirate’s Cove

Wednesday open trackbacks: Random Yak, Argghhh!, TMHs Bacon Bits,
The Bullwinkle Blog
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