Norma over at Collecting My Thoughts is taking a long hard look at her parenting skills.
She writes her article in response to an article that asserts that “life outcomes are determined 45-50 percent by genetics, 45-50 percent by outside-the-home socialization (which is affected by parental decisions about housing, schooling, etc.), 0-10 percent by in-home socialization (=parenting).”
I agree–although I’d put genetics (personality, intelligence, physical attributes, talents) a bit higher, and parenting (values, discipline, religion) I’d put at about 1-2%. You’ve pretty much got the game plan when the baby pops out of the womb. If your daughter is 5′8″ and a size 10, she just will never work for Abercrombie & Fitch no matter what you do. You can chose a good school, or have a good health plan to help things along, but the kid will grow up to be the one God gave you at the beginning. If you’re a parent, it would be smart (and gracious) to not take the credit and never take the blame.
I’ve noticed that myself. My kids are pretty much the same way today that they were as infants. At some point along the way, I realized the best I could hope for was to mold some of their innate tendencies in as positive a way as possible.
For example, my son’s extremely active nature, curiosity and sense of adventure might have resulted in him finding a career in which he is able to use those traits in a productive manner or being a career criminal. He did the former. I don’t know that I can take all that much credit for that. I can say I worked awfully hard to try to mold him in that direction.
Unlike Norma, I think I was a better parent to my children as teenagers rather than as little ones. But other than that, I could totally relate to what she is writing.
Do we really have that much influence on how our children turn out? I’ve heard my mother ask the same thing!