Gwyneth PaltrowOkay, I know … this is completely vapid … but how can one pass up a story this silly?

The multi-millionaire actress of romance movies is quoted in a Portuguese newspaper that she just thinks Americans work too much and worry about money too much. She said something to the effect that she’s just not that capitalistic. Therefore, by her most reasoned logic, England is better than America because they have more stimulating conversation around the dinner table. You see, Americans are too capitalistic.

Oh. I see.

Now, of course, she’s back-peddling so fast it’s making anyone who’s paying any attention dizzy. She wants to make sure we all know that she had no intention of insulting Americans. She’s an American, after all. What she really meant was that while we can never be as good as the British, we are o k a y too.

I had kinda forgotten about Gwyneth there for a while. She used to be on the front cover of every magazine and hollywood seemed obsessed with her. But she moved to England and started given birth to produce, so people moved on to the next flash-in-the-pan of hollywood idolatry.

I’m sure this has probably passed Gwyneth’s notice, but the only people who don’t have to work and worry about money are people who HAVE as much money as she has. It’s us ignorant, uncouth Americans that put all that money in her little pockets so she could go live in England, have babies she names after fruit and turn her nose up at the unwashed masses who made her wealthy enough to turn her nose up at us.

She says she’s just not all that capitalistic, but she apparently capitalistic enough to take our money. Otherwise, she’d have to be over here working as hard as the rest of us Americans.

The American work ethic is what keeps the wheels of the world turning. I’d like it very much if Europe would pick up some of the slack so we can take a break. Maybe instead of sitting around beautifully appointed tables for long, leisurely meals, drinking fine wines and having stimulating conversation while Americans pay the bills, they could pick up a shovel and do some of the work as well. Just an off the wall thought and completely out of the question I know.

Nevermind, Gwyneth, the little American people will continue to do the heavy lifting. Get your stylist in to give you a new look. That’ll make you feel much better.

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I just wish I had found the photo Agent Bedhead used in her article about Gwyneth. It’s perfect for this news … HA! As usual, Agent Bedhead has more to the story ….

The Pirate’s Cove has more.